Author Topic: MARGARET JORDAN my mom  (Read 7073 times)

ALTHEIA

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MARGARET JORDAN my mom
« on: December 21, 2007, 05:23:46 AM »
I will be loosing my mom very soon. She is at the end stage of renal failure, she refused dialysis. She is 80 years old. I am griefing now for the loss, and she has not passed yet. I am just a mess. I thought that I could keep strong for the kids. But that is not working either. Thank all of you for letting me rant a bit. She is in a Nursing Home under Hospice Care.
Thanks!
Altheia

Altheia, It is so important that your mother has made choices about the end of her life. She must be a remarkable woman. Your grief reflects the loss of the person she was. The memories of her will continue in your being and in those of your children. We are here for you. Andrea
« Last Edit: December 21, 2007, 02:58:00 PM by Andrea »

epsantiago

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Re: MARGARET JORDAN my mom
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2007, 09:34:50 AM »
Altheia, I think we begin to grieve at the first indication that our parent is changing.  When a diagnosis is made than hospice begins our sense of loss invades all of our senses.  Just because we are told time is limited does not make it easier. You may feel like a mess but this is a normal reaction. In terms of keeping strong for the kids and as a mom we want to protect them from painful things.  We are their first teachers and I think you have an unique opportunity to be a model  on how we grieve for someone we love.  Children know something is happening and we can try to help them deal with it. Follow your heart and instincts you will do the right thing.  The children may want to comfort you.     Elisabeth
 

Karl

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Re: MARGARET JORDAN my mom
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2008, 02:40:09 PM »
Hi Altheia,

I lost my mum just before xmas, it was a total shock. The only (unqualified) advice I can give you is to spend as much time with her as you can and to respect your mom's wishes. Tell her how much you love her and let her know that she has done a wonderful job.

These final moments are very special. You will be facing all sorts of weird emotions. These are not irrational or abnormal.

I am not going to tell you to be strong, because I am in tatters emotionally myself. Just try to get as much support from people close to you as you can.

Regards,

Karl
I will be loosing my mom very soon. She is at the end stage of renal failure, she refused dialysis. She is 80 years old. I am griefing now for the loss, and she has not passed yet. I am just a mess. I thought that I could keep strong for the kids. But that is not working either. Thank all of you for letting me rant a bit. She is in a Nursing Home under Hospice Care.
Thanks!
Altheia

Altheia, It is so important that your mother has made choices about the end of her life. She must be a remarkable woman. Your grief reflects the loss of the person she was. The memories of her will continue in your being and in those of your children. We are here for you. Andrea

SSQ

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Re: MARGARET JORDAN my mom
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2008, 05:49:31 PM »
Altheia,
I lost my mom last fall after a prolonged hospitalization for a fall which broke her neck. When it became apparent that she was not going to survive and at her request, we placed her under hospice care.
The days you are going through as you watch your mother pass from this life are so difficult. It is the hardest thing in the world to watch someone you love pass away.
Be so patient with yourself. Be there for your mother and don't be afraid to tell her all that you want her to know. The night my mother died, I took her hand, whispered to her that I loved her and I thanked her for all that she had given me and done for me. I kissed her forehead and then I let her go.
I am glad that I wasn't afraid to really be there with her. It was such an honor to be present with her in her passing.
So take the time to be present and allow what is to be. Let her know you are there and that you love her.
That is the best gift you can give her.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom.
Peace.

Raindrop

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Re: MARGARET JORDAN my mom
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2010, 09:48:16 PM »
ALTHEIA, and the others in this thread who lost a mother, I am so sorry.

My mother died about two years ago and was very sick for about six months before she died.

She got down to about 80 pounds. She was never a heavy person to begin with (she was short and petite), but to see her lose so much weight and get weak was difficult.

Part of me was not expecting my mother to die, but part of me knew it was a possibility, since she was bed ridden and very weak the last few months.

Even if you suspect that your loved one is about to die, or you're kind of expecting it, it still comes as a shock and heartbreak when the person finally does pass away.

Quote
She is 80 years old.
No matter the age you lose your mother, is hurts so much (mine was in her 60s when she died).

If you mother passes away, I sincerely hope you do not receive well-intentioned yet insensitive, idiotic comments people usually make when they discover your departed family member was over the age of 60, something like,
"Well, at least he/she lived to a ripe old age"
(or some variation of that).

I hate those kinds of comments.

I didn't get any comments like that myself, but I've read other people who've been exposed to that stuff.

I did get other types of insensitive comments and reactions, but thankfully nothing age-related.

Quote
I am griefing now for the loss, and she has not passed yet.

I know what you mean.

When my Mom was at the end and I thought she might die, I grieved, but I grieved again, a second time (and am still going through it) when she passed away. You grieve twice.

The thing is, even though I grieved while she was still alive, that didn't really make it easier when she was actually gone. I was hit just as hard the second time around.