Author Topic: suicide  (Read 5117 times)

pain

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suicide
« on: February 26, 2010, 09:17:40 PM »
:( i am having a hard time... my fiance committed suicide ,we have  a 6 yr old son, we were having problems and he shot himself while on the phone with me... i cant deal with the pain and anger

wpurdy

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Re: suicide
« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2010, 01:11:17 PM »
Pain and anger are both understandable feelings when a loved one dies.  These are intensified when the loss is by suicide, especially because you were an audible witness.  More so than with other deaths, we may think suicide could have been prevented.  We might even accuse ourselves for not being able to stop it.  Can you tell me more about who you are angry with?  And where is the pain coming from?  Then let's see if we can go a level deeper.  Others may also have input from their own experieinces.     

Raindrop

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Re: suicide
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2010, 10:37:43 PM »
My mother died (from natural causes) about two years ago, and a friend of mine committed suicide about six years ago, so I am acquainted with grief.

Pain, you wrote:
Quote
i cant deal with the pain and anger
I don't mean to diminish your pain, and I'm sorry if this comes across that way, but in addition to dealing with the deaths of my own friends and family member, I'm thinking maybe my comments can help shed light on why your loved one took his life.

(I've noticed that remaining family members of a person who commits suicide usually want to ask, "Why? Why or how could he/she take his/her own life/ he had so much to live for/ he was so young/ etc")-

I've had clinical depression my whole life and have had suicidal thoughts and urges starting back in my teen age years (that have gotten worse in the past few years, and no amount of therapy, psychiatrists, or anti-depressant medications has halted it or eased it).

While my situation might not be identical to your fiance's, I probably have at least an idea or vague clue of what he was feeling, or what he went through.

A large part of the reason why your fiance took his own life is probably because on a daily basis he was feeling inner pain and anger himself and mentally could not deal with it any more.

It probably became too great to bear, he was worn out fighting it day in and day out.

He probably felt hopeless and didn't see any end to the pain (if he dealt with on-going clinical depression), and/or he likely didn't see how his situation could change (i.e., if he was troubled by outer pressures and stresses in life, such as by losing a job or whatever).

Even knowing that causing your own demise can hurt family and friends won't necessarily stop one from taking one's own life, because the inner psychological pain is so great, you just want to stop hurting.

At least that has been my personal experience battling depression and suicidal thoughts over my life time.

People who have never had clinical depression have no clue how painful it is for the one tormented by it.

I'm sorry for your loss and that he left you to care for a small child on your own.