Author Topic: Unresolved questions  (Read 3604 times)

Jim

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Unresolved questions
« on: October 10, 2008, 08:21:20 AM »
I just ran into this site while trying to understand my grief. I am in my mid 40s and have been married for 25 years.  Before my wife there was another whom I felt vary deeply for. We were young and she split up with me.  I have always carried  love for her as she was my first true love.
That being said I do realize I have a wonderful wife. Although like anyone else we have had our share of issues.  I did not see her at all over the past 23 years, but still always had some things to say and questions to ask.  I always felt that I knew I would run into her someday and be able to chit chat with her.  After she split with me I did some stupid thing that I regret.  About 5 weeks ago I googled her name and found she had past 6 years ago. All I have now are some pictures and letters from her that do say she loved me. But still, we were young. After all these years I can still say that I loved her. I now wonder so much looking back how she felt or if she thought of me over the years.  I have thought of nothing but her since the day I found she passed.  I have no one to talk to about this as it is not something I can not talk to my wife about.  I feel so cheated and disappointed in myself for not trying to find her. I also found that she passed from alcoholism. For me this is difficult as she was a vary intelligent woman who could have done anything she wanted.  I so wonder what went wrong and if we could have worked things out, would she still be here today?  All the feeling that I had have all exploded out since I found this news out. I now find I miss her so much and that I have a million question.  Thank you to all who may respond and I too am sorry for everyones loss.