Author Topic: feeling very alone  (Read 5527 times)

Gert

  • Guest
feeling very alone
« on: September 20, 2008, 05:54:20 AM »
Hello Everyone,
     I am new to the group, and looking for some help through this time.  My boyfriend passed away on August 20, 2008, due to a complication from a bone marrow transplant, he had leukemia, but died from graft versus host disease, it is crazy to think that a "cure" can kill you.
     My name is Gretchen, my boyfriend was Kevin, and he was the best thing that ever happened to me, I miss him so much.  Kevin and I only had 7 years together, not nearly enough, but he was there for me through both of my parents' deaths, and now with losing Kevin, I am feeling VERY VERY alone.
     We had such a wonderful life together, we enjoyed each others company, no matter what we were doing, we never had a fight, we were best friends and now I am lost, I don't know what to do with myself.  We have a dog, Luther, and sometimes I think he is the only reason I have to live.
     I know Kevin would want me to move on with my life, but right now the only thing I feel I have to look forward to is dying, I can't wait to be with him again, when the Lord takes me Home. 
     Any words of support from anyone, would be greatly appreciated, I will read them all, grieving is a very hard thing to do, I am glad I found this place to find that I am not alone in this struggle.  Thank you in advance.    Gretchen
« Last Edit: June 11, 2009, 08:33:40 AM by wpurdy »

Colleen

  • Guest
Re: feeling very alone
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2008, 02:26:57 PM »
Hi Gretchen,

I have been where you are.  Hoping desperately to escape the pain and feeling like the only way for that to happen is to leave this life all together.  This escape is not the answer.  Unfortunately, you need to go through the pain and not avoid it.  To feel all the horrible feelings in order to come out whole on the other side.  I lost my father (MS), then my husband (cancer), then my mom (cancer) all in my mid 20s to age 31.  One blow after the next.  It has been 5 years since my mom's death and I still picture those days of just wishing I could fly away from here and be with them all.  It certainly would not have been what they would have wanted for my life and I am sure your boyfriend would not want that for you either.  It is quite difficult to be the one who remains but we remain for a purpose --- often lots of purposes.  I feel your grief and know your pain.  I can only say that as long as you are willing to work through the grief, you will most definitely find the other side.  There is lots of beauty there.  Honestly.

Jim

  • Guest
Re: feeling very alone
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2008, 09:30:32 AM »
Hello Gretchen, 

I too just joined this site as I am dealing with grief.  My story is under "unresolved questions"  I to can tell you that you are not alone in your feelings. I just wrote this to someone else here as well.  Just yesterday while at work I could feel my sorrow building up through out the morning.  Of course I was at work so I needed to hold it in.  When lunch time came I got in my car and found the neariest empty parking lot and I had a good cry.  I am not one to cry much, but I seem to not be able to stop it for the last 5 weeks so far. Since I found out about my ex. passing I feel like my whole world is just not the same. I feel this way and she was an ex. love who I have not seen in over 20 years.  I guess when you really love someone it never really goes away. I agree with Colleen. Your boyfriend loved you as well and I am sure he would want you to live your life to the fulliest. I understand the feeling of just wanting to die yourself.  My mother would always tell me that suicide is a vary selfish thing as it leaves everyone else that loves you feeling the way your feeling now.  We all have our time. All we can do is live live and live some more and do it the best we can.  I would say as I myself am,  seek out groups, therapy, talk about it with family and friends, don't hold it in.  It has to be worked through. Take care, my thoughts are with you.