Author Topic: My Sister is dying  (Read 5132 times)

LisainCalifornia

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My Sister is dying
« on: August 05, 2008, 07:12:45 PM »
I found this site while researching stage IV breast cancer and trying to find out if my sister is going to die soon. That may sound sick but my family and I are grieving at the thought of inevitably losing her. She has Hospice and her cancer has spread to her organs, bones, etc. She is feisty and cute but the past few days her lower abdomen started to swell a bit. It's hard as a rock. She is 5'6" and weighs about 90 pounds and she is just so skinny. She's on oxygen all the time now and she seems in good spirits. However, the sudden swelling and pain in her belly made us so nervous. She was given 6 months to live last July (07) and again in February (08). I think she has "outlived" the medical community prognosis. In that sense, we know we are lucky to have her and most days don't feel like she is going to die. But today, my Mom asked me to call and find out how much cremation costs. That was SO hard. And I'm the strong one in my family. I am tasked with talking with doctors, lawyers, hospice and now this. I had a great conversation with the funeral home until he told me the urn that comes with the "package" will have her remains in a plastic bag inside, "with a twist tie". All I could think about was my sister in a small plastic bag with a twist tie. Geez, is that what it comes down to? That shook me up. I asked if he could please give her to me in the urn with no plastic bag, thank you very much. And you know what? He was a very nice person and was trying to be tactful but this is his job. This whole day is awful.


gmak

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Re: My Sister is dying
« Reply #1 on: September 27, 2008, 11:07:27 AM »
My heart breaks for you. I lost my sister on Sept 13, 2008, and the heartbreak is still raw. She wanted to be cremated, which we did. This was my very first experience with cremation, maybe hearing about it can help you a little. We didn't receive her ashes at the funeral home until the day of her service.  We covered the viewing room at the funeral home with pictures of Kathy at all stages of her life, and with the flowers and plants she loved. On the day of the service, her ashes did come sealed in a box, inside was a sealed plastic bag. She wanted her ashes scattered, so we didn't need an urn, but I did get a very small one for me, I find it comforting at this stage of grieving to have that pretty little urn which holds a small part of my sister. Those ashes were sealed inside my urn at the crematorium before delivery to me. The rest of her ashes we scattered at the farm Kathy so loved, and at the gravesite of our parents and older brother. I was very worried about getting thru this, but I did feel comfort and some closure knowing this was what she wanted. God Bless you and your family. My broken heart goes out to you.