Grieving Center

GRIEVING DISCUSSION BOARDS => Loss - of a sibling => : JohnJS September 29, 2007, 10:31:57 AM

: My brother
: JohnJS September 29, 2007, 10:31:57 AM
I lost my brother, Todd, this spring.  It was the morning of April 10th when my sister called.  She never calls during the week, so I knew there was bad news, I just didn't expect it to be this.  "Todd was in an accident on the way to work this morning," she began.  That was the only part she said with strength.  Her next sentence came through tears, "He didn't survive." 

I was at work and was already making my way to the door.  I had to get outside.  "You've got to be joking!"  When I was seven, our Mom died. Before I was sixteen cancer took our father away.  Now I was 39.  Just 4 weeks ago we buried one of my Mom's sisters.  Could this really be happening again?

I was barely outside when I collapsed to my knees screaming like a little girl.  I coud barely hold onto my cell phone anymore.  It hit me like nothing I've ever felt before.  I didn't even know if my sister was still on the other end.  Turns out she wasn't.  Her husband had to take over.  He lost his brother over 20 years ago, so he knew what we were feeling.  "John," I heard in the distance.  "John, it's Scot.  Can you hear me?"  My screams were going into his ears, not my sister's.   He kept saying my name until I could respond.   He became the boss over my immediate situation.  He knew what I needed.  "I don't want you to drive home.  Let me talk to your boss."  He and my boss, who is the most amazing woman, had somehow got me into her office by now.  He asked her to get me home and make sure I didn't get behind the wheel of a car.  The last thing my family needed was another car accident today.

I'm shaking again...I'll have to post more later...I feel like those moments all over again...
: Re: My brother
: earnone October 02, 2007, 02:31:59 PM

Firstly, I would like to acknowledge your courage in reaching out to the grieving center. I was truly moved while reading your account of the tragic death of your brother, Todd. You have expressed so unmistakably the feelings of shock and numbness that are predominant in the sudden loss of a loved one. 

Grief can be manifested in various ways such as interruption of sleeping and eating, nightmares, loss of concentration, reliving of events surrounding the loss as well as previous losses. These symptoms can last for varying amounts of times for each individual. I have found that the one rule of grieving is that there really are no rules. Each person grieves in their own way and in their own time.

It seems that loss entered your life at an early stage. I am wondering what has sustained you through the years. You mentioned your sister, brother-in-law and boss as supports. Do you have any additional sources of support and have you reached out for grief counseling? Oftentimes, we believe that we should be able to cope with losses, however professional help can be extremely beneficial.

: Re: My brother
: earnone October 05, 2007, 11:12:58 AM
I have given your post a bit more thought and would encourage you to continue sharing your thoughts via the discussion board. I would also like to hear from others who have similar experiences.
: Re: My brother
: ppmk71 July 30, 2008, 09:48:08 PM
I am sorry for you loss. I lost my brother a month ago and I am struggling. I have lost a sister also to cancer, I know its a part of life but its so painful. I envy you and what you have gone through. Pam
: Re: My brother
: bertha August 05, 2008, 08:24:32 PM
I'm new to this online system, but I'm so depressed. I just don't know what to do. I lost my brother Kristopher on June 6, 2008 to a drive by shooting. He was only 21 yrs. old. He has left a 3 yr. old child and a whole family, 4 sisters, 1 brother, parents, grandmother, nices and newphews. This tragedy has broken our family. For myslef, I'm just very angry at everyone and everything. I miss him so much the pain is just unbareable. I feel I just want to be with him because he is alone. I look at his picture and I think why did GOD give him to us if he was going to take him in 21 yrs. He was just a baby. I can't stop thinking of why?? 
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