I lost my sister 4 years ago to brain cancer. It was the most painful loss I ever experienced. A month ago I lost my baby brother to cancer as well. I never thought I would feel this pain again so close in time. I am a personal trainer, 37 years of age and single. For 5 years now I have only delt with death and grieving of loved ones. I am tired.How do I move on? I feel as if there is a beast inside of me screeming to come out. I guess its not about how many times you get hit, but how many times get and keep moving foward. Cancer has entered my life at a young age. It all started  5 years ago when a very close aunt's cancer returned in her bones. My sister Amy died a year later after my aunt Sherry of stage 4 brain cancer. A true angle on earth! Awful, to watch someone you love deteriate. A month later an uncle died from colon cancer. A year later another uncle from lukemia. When all of this was happening my dads brother of the uncles that died got diagnoised with colon cancer as well as his 2 sons. Yes I have a big close nit family. Then my mother got diagnoised with uterin cancer, she is in remission thank god! 3 months later my brother got diagnoised and died in 9 months. Watched him suffer, the cancer was all over. The sadest part about Mark was he couldn't communicate to us not even about his pain. Such sadness in his eyes. I watched him have multiple seizures the day be for he died the doctors said 37. That's all I see day in and day out. So painful! Is this life on earth or hell on earth?! Ok so I am a little angry. Will I ever have peace in my life? Will I ever heal? Which loved one is next in my family or is it me?
Thank you for reading and listening. Its nice to know there are people out there who understand.

Pam

The purpose of Grievingcenter.org is to ask for and receive help on-line, and I feel deeply for your loss and hope that you see how many people have read your blog and surely feel the same way.  Peace be with you.